I can literally feel it coming...

...the anxiety of starting a new school year combined with the disappointment of "the summer of fun"coming to an end hits me like a ton of bricks.  It's not new news that I struggle with being a working mom.  I want to stay at home, I want to be the sole care giver to my kids during the day, I want to join a MOPS group and lead crafts, I want to coupon when my kids are taking naps and yes I even want to have dinner on the table and all of us sit around and laugh and talk about our days.  I think Chris always thought I would just get better about my feelings about leaving my kids to take care of 22 other kids that are not my own...that it would become easier the longer I had to do it.  The ugly truth is that it only gets harder.   Who knew that I would love my two kids more and more each day and every day they do something newer and cuter than the day before and it becomes even harder to leave them.  While my feelings only become stronger good news for Chris is that my perspective has indeed changed and it has rocked.my.little.perfect."I wanna be a SAHM".world....


Chris has always said that if there is one thing I "know I'm good at" its teaching.  (and there I go thinking it was my awesome cooking ability! HA! ) While I'd like to think I'm not at all a "cocky" person I do think that knowing I'm using my God given gifts to enrich other little lives does in fact give me some "bragging rights", at least to my husband.  When I see those little minds turning and problem solving and becoming better little people in life, I can't wait to run home and tell Chris, "I'm doing it...I'm making a difference to them, I'm loving up on them and even when they try to push me away I keep pushing them until they open up to me and open up their little minds...I'm making a difference, even if it's a "6 year old difference" I AM making a difference." And yes that does make my little heart very happy.  What I realize is this...while I'm pining away to stay at home, maybe, just maybe it isn't God's plan for me.  Maybe he wants to to teach those 22 kids.  Maybe he wants me to treat them like my own and show HIS LOVE to them everyday.  Maybe I am the only one that looks at their little eyes and sees their true potential, maybe he wants me to share his light (maybe the only light they will ever see), maybe he wants me to find joy daily in using the gifts he has chosen for me.  Maybe, just maybe its HIS plan for my life to teach these little minds.

With that in mind I go into each and every day thinking...I will teach them how to find locations on a map in hopes that one day they will use that knowledge to seek out missions.  I will teach them to sound out words and create sentences in hopes that one day they will write to encourage others.  I will teach them how to add in hopes that one day they become a biblical tither.  I will teach them "our basic needs in life" and I will include "love" in hopes that as they grow older they will always show compassion.  I will teach them to "share" in hopes that one day they learn to share their gifts and talents.  I will teach them how to read in hopes that one day they will emerge themselves in the greatest book ever written.  I will teach them how to believe in themselves in hopes that one day they will believe in the one that created them.

I have prayed over their nametags, they have been placed in my classroom for a reason and I'm ready to help make them the best little 6 years old they can be AND rock their world in the process!

I'm ready for you new school year...bring it on!


(while this post makes me sound big and bad I am not.  please pray specifically for my patience and anxiety and to give me energy when I do finally get home to my two babies!)